.barefoot.sensation.

they say jealousy kills. maybe it really does. all i know is that it can struck me at anytime. one moment i was fine and the next i got huge rage burning inside me. I don’t even know why i could feel such thing when I don’t even know whether i like the person i’m jealous for. i don’t even know if this means anything. love.. or even like… is certainly complicated. and i know i said this a million times before, but i wish love is as easy as breathing. wouldn’t it be beautiful if love just come naturally and we don’t have to get hurt or feel jealous? but then, as i always say too, wouldn’t it be boring if all we feel is happiness. do we really thrive on pain and hurt. is happiness in relationship really hard to get. can we ever be with someone that u really like?

I guess i’m getting desperate. I guess i’m really losing my patience. I don’t know. maybe i’m just lonely. Yes, I’m lonely. so what can a lonely girl do..  just wait i guess.

After all of those hours we spent together, suddenly I saw you looking at me differently. Maybe I was just hallucinating or dreaming.. Maybe all of those daydreams suddenly affecting how I see you or how I think I saw you.

Suddenly, there’s that weird warm feeling, looking at you, looking at me, as if I were not one of your buddies, but as if I were a girl. Maybe I was just hallucinating.

Suddenly, I saw you smiling a lot when you talked to me, and I don’t even know why. Maybe I was just hallucinating.

Maybe you’re just acting normally, maybe you’re acting like how usually act, maybe I’m just making all of this up. I don’t know.

I don’t even want to say how I feel. I don’t even want to express how I feel. Because I like things how it is right now. I know I want a little more, but I certainly don’t want to change how things are right now. I’m too afraid to say or show anything cause I don’t want this warm feeling inside to dissappear.

If only life is like those in the movies where the main character always gets what she wants, … I wouldn’t have to worry and I wouldn’t have to think of any consequences.

If only….